In the spirit of good-natured humor, we asked ChatGPT — the online AI chatbot that uses natural language processors to generate text-based responses — to provide a roast of all things Orlando.
Here’s what it had to say, if you can handle it.
Editor’s note: The following ChatGPT responses have been edited for brevity.
An ode to Orlando: Sweet and spicy edition
Ah, Orlando, the city where dreams come true — assuming your dream is to sit in traffic next to a Ford F-150 with an LED underglow + “I Miss Old Florida” bumper sticker.
Outside its theme parks, Orlando is like Florida’s awkward middle child. It’s basically where the Midwest goes to reinvent itself — like it got tired of snow and just decided, “What if we recreated Ohio, but with palm trees and no zoning laws?”
Orlando is a city with just enough culture to confuse you. You’ve got these pockets of trendy, artsy neighborhoods desperately trying to manifest an identity with jazz brunches next to tire shops, while the rest of the city is busy arguing over which Wawa is the best.
What about the weather?
The weather? Let’s just say Orlando has two seasons: “Is this sweat or rain?” and “Oh good, the mosquitoes have learned to fly in formation.”
How’s the traffic?
Can we talk about I-4? That highway has been under construction since dinosaurs roamed Central Florida. It’s the only road where you can leave on time and still arrive late enough to question your life choices.
Okay, but at least we look good in the heat.
As for Orlando fashion, it’s a chaotic mix of gym clothes, tourist trap merch, and “Florida Man starter kits.” There are more Crocs per capita here than actual reptiles, and that’s saying something.
Now give Orlando a real compliment.
Orlando is more than a vacation stop — it’s home to so many who love it fiercely, quirks and all. And honestly? That’s kind of magical.
Do you have your own roast for the City Beautiful? Sock it to us and you may be featured in an upcoming newsletter.
